How do you know?

Before I came to Korea, some of my friends were intent on me “finding a good one to take home with me”. As offensive as this is to me and the women of Korea as a whole, it doesn’t mean since I have been here I have not reflected on the beauty, kindness, simplicity and grounded nature of many of the women I have encountered during my short time of more than two months. In fact, the comments made before I hopped on the Airbus to spend nearly eight thousand miles in the air may be the thing that has kept me from exploring some options. Well, that is not exactly true.

Here in central Asia, men and women do not wear wedding rings. They do not actually display anything that would alert a would be pursuant that the individual they are about to initiate courting rituals with is already married. Based on the fact that most adult Koreans do not just flirt with strangers who think they are attractive, there really is not a simple way to explore potential options.

I have reflected on what it would be like to be in your late twenties and single, which is the not the norm, and try to figure out whom you can and cannot pursue honorably. Unlike the west, married women do not get their kicks out of flirting while married to prove to themselves they are still attractive. Married women here are rarely focused on their ability to look “hot”. So, how do you know?

Again, this is not like the States where asking someone out casually is common or even acceptable. When men and women reach the neighborhood of thirty, the family places pressure on them to find a mate, even more so for women than men, which of course is not surprising. When dating someone who has reached that age range, the expectation is that you are dating for potential marriage partners. This increases the pressure for all involved, male and female.

I am older and there are really not any women at or near my age that are not married, so the whole ring thing is not a big deal for me since they would all have rings if that were a social norm. But this does not mean those in the thirties I do not look at as we peruse through the cabbage or mandarin oranges in the local market together. I look at their shopping carriage and see items that indicate family: baby products, cleaning supplies, junk food and quantities too large for an individual. In Korea, there are not women who are single with children, it just doesn’t happen. I do not know how prevalent abortion is here. There is a large Catholic influence and generally people hold more traditional values than many western cultures do. I make the leap that they are not available without giving it another thought. Besides, I do not know how or what are the courting practices here except that often families still arrange marriages. Oh yeah, and I do not speak HanGul yet.

Leaving all the personal details aside, how would one know anyway?
How would you know?